The Simple Sophisticate - Intelligent Living Paired with Signature Style (lifestyle)

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~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #132

 

“There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.” —Douglas H. Everett

The arrival of a new year always fills me with giddy exuberance. No matter what occurred during the current year, I am very much like a child eagerly determined to will even more amazing, fulfilling and growth-opportunities into my world and into the world around me. 2016 has brought many of the latter on the list, growth-opportunities, and while I won't be sad to see it go, I am still very grateful for all that it opened my eyes to, all that it taught me, all that it pushed me to do so that I could begin to step outside of, in many ways, an unconscious self-imposed shell. So for that reason alone, I am thankful, indebted actually, to 2016. Isn't that way it works? Some years we savor, some years we sweat, some years are a mixture of both, but all offer the opportunity to be a different person come the year's end. Speaking of year's end, it isn't quite here yet. In fact, we still have one month to make our resolutions a reality, and I don't know about you, but I am excited to finish strong. Let's talk about how to do just that no matter where you might find yourself at the end of the eleventh month of 2016.

1. Balance the monthly budget

Let's talk money straight-away. Nothing boosts our confidence, settles our nerves and brightens our hopes for the future when we know where we stand with our money. As is the case, businesses want to finish strong as well, but we shouldn't help them at the expense of us not doing the same. Holiday gift giving and travel and entertaining can be a roadblock, but with careful planning and a clear awareness of what you are capable of, by the time the end of the year arrives, you will be feeling at ease when it comes to your financial situation.

2. Assess the goals/resolutions you pursued during 2016

Now to the task at hand. How have you been doing on the resolutions you set at the beginning of 2016? Perhaps you set some mid-year goals. How are those going? Be honest, which goes both ways. Notice how much further you have to go, but also recognize what you have done. Sometimes we stop ourselves from attaining what we seek because we are fearful we will fail. Ironically, we fail if we don't try. Trying, no matter how small the progress, is always reason to celebrate. And as Marilyn Ferguson reminds, “Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” So let your fear lead you to keep trying and keep striving forward. The other side is indeed worth seeing and experiencing.

 
3. What habits have served you well and visa versa 
After taking an honest assessment of how you are doing with your goals, what habits are helping you maintaining your progress? Write these down. Do the same exercise for habits that are impeding your progress. Don't worry, I am not about to tell you to break 10 bad habits in 31 days. The first thing to do is recognize what is and isn't working, and then, baby steps. Vow to break one bad habit. Then once that bad habit is broken and you don't even think about it, break the next bad habit. Maybe the chance to begin the second will begin the next week or maybe next month, but have a priority list of habits you want to break and slowly make your way through them.
 
4. Let go of passivity
Ask for what you want. Remove the possibility of regret.
 
If events or progress toward your goals aren't moving as you had hoped they would, observe your behavior these past eleven months. Have you been sitting on the sidelines hoping others will notice what you've been working so hard on? Have you been hoping they could read your mind? Speak up. Ask for what you want. Make decisions without asking for approval from others. If it is indeed what you want, what you've been working for, step forward and make what is in your control a reality.
 
5. Tie up loose ends 
Look around your house, look at your planner. Do you see any projects, large or small, that aren't complete yet? Perhaps you are either putting them off or maybe you began but something occurred and zapped your time availability. Reexamine each and do your best to wrap them up so you can move forward without unnecessary expectations and demands when the new year begins. A fresh start is great motivation.
 
6. Get busy with small steps
There is still one month left in 2016, and a lot can happen in 31 days. A lot can happen in a mere moment, so get moving. Keep Isaac Newton's words in the back of your mind as you start your engine, and no matter how gradual you roll forward always remember, “An object at rest tends to stay at rest, an object in motion tends to stay in motion.” 
 
7. Declutter
Perhaps you have some extra time toward the end of the year or maybe at some point during the month. Even if you don't have an immense amount of time, find a way to target the spots in your home, office, life that could you some decluttering. Again, the goal is a fresh of start when 2017 arrives and the visual component of less stuff to look at, take care of, etc. holds incredible power over our state of mind and thus our stress levels. So get busy: go through your closet, your entire home and more specifically your kitchen. Set yourself free and you open the door for more applicable and authentic opportunities and gifts.
 
8. Bulk up your retirement savings for maximum tax benefit
The list began with finances, but I wanted to focus specifically on retirement savings as well. The more you can invest now, the more powerful compound interest will be and the lower your taxable income will be. So take a close look at your 401(k) or IRA contributions, which have limits of $18,000 and $5,500 this year, respectively. Can you add some more? (Good news: You can actually make 2016 contributions to your IRA through mid-April 2017 which means thereis still time after the New Year.)
9. Decide on a planning system that functions and is something you love

Just prior to each month's beginning I sit down with my planner and add the new month's pages. I then take time to plan out the month with previously schedule events, my weekly and daily routines, etc. I love this monthly rituals, and I especially love the yearly ritual of looking ahead and putting in the pages for 2o17. In fact, I just ordered a new binder and am shifting from Franklin to the six-ring A6 personal binder. And because of this, TSLL readers who have ask for TSLL Planning Pages to fit the A5 and the Personal Planner are in luck. The Personal Planning page (along with the all-inclusive planning package) is now available. Coming in a few weeks, just in time for 2017, you will be able to purchase exclusively sized planning pages for these two new sizes (on top of the Classic and Compact pages already available). It is important to have a system that works for you. Not every one, like myself and many of you, want an all digital planning system, but some do. You know what works well with your lifestyle and routine. Tweak what you have to make it work even better and enjoy setting clear goals, breaking them down and managing each day to help you find the balance of rest and success. ~Shop TSLL Planning Pages for Classic and Compact planners here (and for today only, save 20% with TSLLHOLIDAY20)

~My new planner and binder is seen below. It is an A6 six-ring Ancicraft leather binder (other sizes are available here).
 thesimplyluxuriouslife.com The Simply Luxurious Life
thesimplyluxuriouslife.com The Simply Luxurious Life
10. What makes you smile spontaneously?

Take a moment and try to recall the moments in which you found yourself smiling without a forethought, smiling due to something tickling your mental funny bone or observing something joyful and pleasure filled. Take a mental note of these events or better yet, write them down. Now, try to cultivate opportunities for these moments to happen in balance with the success you are trying to achieve.

11. Answer this question honestly:

Where and how do you want to wake up on Sunday January 1st, 2017? Now plan accordingly. You will be glad you did and the new year will be assured to be off to a wonderful start. Wishing you a wonderful final month in 2016. May the struggles, if you encounter a few this year, begin to wind down and reveal their fruit and polish, and may the final few days give you a time to celebrate and appreciate all that has gone well and recognize how much you've grown. ~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Create a Clean Slate for the New Year?

~7 Reasons 2016 Will Be a Wonderful Year

~Why Not . . . Make This Your Year?

Petit Plaisir:

~Till Brönner, The Good Life

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https://youtu.be/GZasgJjfzrA

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Direct download: 132FinishStrong_.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

"Comfort is the root of confidence and not the other way around." —Haley Mlotek in The New York Times Style Magazine

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #130

Confidence is attractive. Confidence can be deceiving. Confidence is however hard to fake. But the hard truth about confidence is that it is rooted in feeling comfortable with that which you project to be confident about. Depending upon the arena, the one who exudes confidence draws the attention from the masses due to either curiosity to figure out how they too can emulate such confidence on a particular subject or way of life that they desire or out of appreciation from others who have confidence as well. Because when one projects an air of confidence there is a sense of security, self-worth, and peace of mind knowing that they are able to think and live independently. Confidence is valuable in a variety of aspects throughout our lives. But it must be understood that confidence is a dynamic entity as it depends on understanding something that is as well quite fluid: life, the world, other people, etc. Because of this reality, it requires of each of us to be always pursuing knowledge, asking questions and remaining a participant in the world in which we live. I first came across the quote above as it was pertaining to beauty and the recent trend to no longer wear makeup as inspired by Alicia Keyes who shared openly this past May in a letter (it's well worth the time to read) that she longed to just be herself and stop the constant work of being a chameleon and being what she thought she had to be, rather than be who she truly was. The article gave me pause because it is difficult to put down the masks that we present to the world as they are in many ways our armor, and it is far easier to just do what is expected, project an image or idea that is expected or easy for all to see and hear. So where do we find the comfort that is needed to have the confidence we seek? ~Take the time to get to know yourself and continue this ongoing process ~Build a healthy social network ~Stretch yourself - try things you have never done before but want to do and someday do well ~Read and learn voraciously and endlessly I can think of more than a few instances when I did not have confidence. Most recently, I have become frustrated when I attempt to converse in French at our local conversation group or with friends or instructors who know how to speak the language. I feel as though I am presenting an entirely different person, as though the person they are hearing and seeing is not the real Shannon. And as I gave this some thought, I realized why I wasn't enjoying myself: I wasn't comfortable and therefore I couldn't be confident and relax. It is a vicious cycle. So, I will admit, for a time, I stopped going to the weekly group conversations. Okay, for quite a lengthy time. I chose to study on my own, but I realized that in order to increase my comfort, I needed to stretch myself. That is the most perplexing paradox of this entire conversation. Yes, we need comfort to be and reflect confidence, but confidence can only be gained if we choose to grow, learn and step outside of our comfort zone. Below are just a few examples of arenas that require each of us to experiment, stretch ourselves and try new things in order to gain the confidence we seek:

  • our preferences in food
  • a way of life (visit a variety of cultures, learn the answer to the "why" questions)
  • our signature style with regards to our wardrobe and our homes
  • with whom we are most compatible: friends, partners, workplace environments
  • interests and hobbies

However, it requires balance. Don't put yourself entirely in uncomfortable scenarios all of the time. Stretch yourself just enough so that you are always able to be growing rather than regressing. For me, on top of trying to develop new friendships as well as learning a new language, I found that I needed to separate the two so that I could be my confident, authentic self with those who were just beginning to know me. So I struck a balance, communicated with them that I wanted dearly to build our friendship, but felt learning a language simultaneously wasn't going to work for me. And they completely understood. When we can come home to a place that allows us to feel comfort, we can then be recharged to go back out and try something new, but we must have a sanctuary of comfort always available to us to retreat to get that fix. The sanctuary of comfort may be your actual house or apartment or it may be a person, an activity or a particular place. The key begins with knowing yourself. Not only knowing what you like and dislike, what makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable, but why you feel and prefer what you do. Knowledge is truly power, not only as an approach to life, but as well when it comes to understanding ourselves and living our best lives. ~Similar posts from the Archives you might enjoy:

~Confidence: How to Gain It & What It Is Invaluable

~Why Not . . . Read? (three part series)

~8 Reasons to Nurture What Nature Gave You

Petit Plaisir:

~Blind Date (Un peu, beaucoup, aveuglément)

~Starring Mélanie Bernier and Clovis Cornillac (2015)

~Find Blind Date on Netflix here

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Image: Paris Vogue, 1974

 

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Direct download: 130ComfortConfidence.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

One of the most important skills we can learn and implement into our lives on a regular basis is understanding that in order to have healthy relationships, a content life and a sense of freedom is to learn how to set clear boundaries in order to be able to open ourselves up so that others can truly know who we are and what we can offer to the world. 

In today's episode discover the benefits of establishing boundaries, come to understand if you need to re-enforce the boundaries you have attempted and learn where in your life you may want to incorporate boundaries. 

This week's Petit Plaisir is a Francophile book that will offer inspiration for your home, your style and your everyday life.  The recently released book by Sarah Lavoine, Chez Moi: Decorating Your Home and Living like a Parisienne.

Direct download: 126BoundariesVulnerability_-_101616_4.08_PM.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT

Letting go of what is no longer serving us is something we have to be consciously reminded of, and one of the most detrimental ways we don't serve ourselves well is the stories we accept as truth that limit our potential. In today's episode discover the importance of letting go of bad service and the benefits that will abound in your life when you do. 

In this week's Petit Plaisir, mini apple pies that offer the perfect balance of tart and sweet flavor.

Direct download: 125service.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT

Inspired by Julia Child and her determination to publish what we all now know as a masterpiece, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, in today's episode discover a clear path to making the goal you desire come to fruition, and it all begins with having a plan. 

In this week's Petit Plaisir, a new favorite magazine for anyone who loves to beautiful decor, traveling, cooking and identifies as being either an Anglophile or a Francophile. 

Direct download: 124Plan.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT

Fall is as Lauren DeStefano states, the grand finale, when the world shares the most beautiful and bountiful produce, experiences and offerings. In today's episode discover routines and items to incorporate each year into the much anticipated fall season.

This week's Petit Plaisir is a fun romantic comedy that was just released and Shannon thoroughly enjoyed: Bridget Jones's Baby. Tune in to find out why.

Direct download: 123Fall.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT

Having self-compassion can have a powerfully positive effect on our overall quality of life. When we consider how we treat ourselves and recognize that the self-criticism we thought was beneficial is actually detrimental, the change is most certainly welcome. Discover 7 benefits as well as ideas for being self-compassionate in today's episode.

This week's Petit Plaisir is a favorite dessert of Shannon's: Tarte au Citron. Simple, sweet, and delicious.

Direct download: 122SelfCompassion.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT

As schedules begin to change with summer fading into fall, why not maintain the tranquility we adored during the leisurely months? Discover 14 daily habits to incorporate into your life that will ensure more contentment and more peace. 

In this week's Petit Plaisir a beautiful memoir by Isabel Vincent, Dinners with Edward is discussed and highly recommended. 

Direct download: 121Calm.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT

Joining me on the podcast today is author and blogger from New Zealand Fiona Ferris. Inspired by her blog How to Be Chic, her new book, which was just released this past June, Thirty Days of Chic offers detailed, simple, yet thoughtful ways to cultivate a more contented life. Inspired by the French culture, Fiona discusses not only her book, but new plans for her own life, how she came to find peace being herself, being an introvert and a wonderful story about Coco Chanel.

In this week's Petit Plaisir, Julia Child's cooking show, The French Chef is discussed and recommended. 

Direct download: 117FionaFerris.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT

The key to cultivating a life we love living is to know what works best for us. Each individual person will discover rules that are unique to them. The trick is knowing how to determine which rules we should follow. In today's episode discover specific ways to help you find what rules will work for you and how your life will be elevated when you do so.

In this week's Petit Plaisir, a simple salad that is full of flavor. Serve as a side to a delicious barbecued hamburger on a brioche bun, pair with a glass of wine and dinner is served!

Direct download: 116YourRules.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:00am PDT