The Simple Sophisticate - Intelligent Living Paired with Signature Style (lifestyle)
Direct download: 239TopSeason2Ep131.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 1:37pm PDT

"Things in their original simplicity contain their own natural power, power that is easily spoiled and lost when that simplicity is changed." —Benjamin Hoff, author of The Tao of Pooh

~Below is a list of the life lessons shared on today's podcast episode. For detailed conversation about each point, be sure to listen to the audio version as Shannon elaborates on each point. 

~Correction 12/11/2018: The copyright of The Tao of Pooh is 1982. The copyright of The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is 1926.

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #237

~Subscribe to The Simple SophisticateiTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify

The written character P’u (pronounced Pooh) is defined as natural, simple, plain, honest. This basic Taoist principle not only applies to things, but to people too

1.Find what you can uniquely give the world

"The Way of Self-Reliance  begins with recognizing who we are. Each of us has something special hidden inside somewhere. But until we recognize that it’s there, what can we do but splash around, treading water? The first thing we need to do is recognize and trust our own Inner Nature, and not lose sight of it." P. 65

2.Life can be truly fun, no matter what your age

“When you discard arrogance, complexity, and a few other things that get in the way, sooner or later you discover that simple, childlike and mysterious secret known to those of the Uncarved Life: Life is Fun.”

Cleverness has its limitations. It’s mechanical judgments and clever remarks tend to prove inaccurate with passing time, because it doesn’t look very deeply into things to begin with. P37

3. Just be yourself, embrace your awesome

"When you know and respect your inner nature, you know where you belong."

"Cottleston Pie - a way of saying inner nature. No two people are the same either. Everything has its own inner nature. Unlike other forms of life, though, people are easily led away from what’s right for them, because people have brain and the brain can be fooled. But many people do not look at it or listen to it, and consequently do not understand themselves very much. Having little understanding of themselves, they have little respect for themselves, and are therefore easily influenced by others. "P. 57

4. The change you want does not exist outside of yourself

"Real progress involves growing and developing, which involves changing inside."

5. Be patient on your journey

"No matter how useful we may be, sometimes it takes us a while to recognize our own value." p. 117 

6. Being an optimist will serve you well

"The play-it-safe pessimists of the world never accomplish much of anything, because they don’t look clearly and objectively at situations, they don’t recognize or believe their own abilities, and they won’t stretch those abilities to overcome even the smallest amount of risk." P. 122

"Wisdom, Happiness, and Courage are not waiting somewhere out beyond sight at the end of a straight line; they are part of a continuous cycle that begins right here . . . it's sometimes referred to as the Snowball Effect, which can remind you of the time you pushed that little ball of snow along, and it got bigger and bigger until it got so big you couldn't stop it . . . now the principle can work negatively or positively. It can promote cynicism as easily as it can encourage hope . . . the important thing is to make it work for yourself and for the benefit of others." 

7. Discover the Power and Opportunity for Rejuvenation with Time Spent with Yourself

"Music is the space between the notes - emptiness cleans out the messy mind and charges up the batteries of spiritual energies - Loneliness actually begins when all the spaces are full and the tv gets turned on to make it go away. The power of a clear mind is beyond description."

~SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES from the ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~How to Live Alone Well, episode #33

~15 Everyday Habits to Live a Life of Contentment, episode #93

~Authenticity: The Courage to Be Yourself, episode #6

~Learn more about TSLL's Weekly Newsletter

The Simple Sophisticate podcast, Season 5 Schedule

  • Mondays - December 17, 24, 31 - Listen to three of the post popular/downloaded posts of Season 1 & 2
  • A brand new episode will air TUESDAY January 1st!

Petit Plaisir:

~The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Season 2 (especially episode 2 as it is set in Paris)

Direct download: 237TaoofPooh.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

"Heat is the element of transformation. It is was takes raw to cooked, flabby to firm. Pale to golden brown. " —Salt, Fat, Heat, Acid, documentary, Samin Nosrat

The topic of butterflies has been abundant here on TSLL blog - in 2011, What Butterflies Have Taught Me; in 2016 - The Butterfly Moment in Life: Don't Wait, Just Live Well, episode #160; in 2010 - With Balance and Determination - and after reading these past posts, you will quickly see my long-held fascination with this transformative insect with a large pair of brilliantly, uniquely colored wings (and Norman's too as explained in the first post listed).

Let be being this conversation by sharing an interesting note: caterpillars are associated with both butterflies and moths, and there are far more moths than butterflies (6-11% butterflies as opposed to 89-94% moths), but often the opposite is believed to be true because moths are nocturnal and butterflies fly about during the day. 

Taking a mere couple of weeks (sometimes months, a for a few butterflies, years), the process, while some may describe it as "beautiful" due to its magnificence and eventual outcome, it actually can be quite odd, not typically majestic aesthetically and perhaps to some, gross. I won't describe all that takes place (you can read about that here), but yeah, part of the process is icky (I use this elementary term only to further my next point - what Mother Nature is enabling to happen as the butterfly transforms from a caterpillar is nothing short of awesome). 

When you have the courage to step forward into transformation, to cultivate a life that welcomes contentment, to let go of what is no longer supporting the person you wish and somewhere within you unconsciously or consciously knows you can become, there will be stages that are "icky", uncomfortable, frustrating, doubt-filled and maybe even painful figuratively/emotionally speaking. But that is part of the necessary process.

Last weekend, I posted this image on Instagram (see below). For those listening, it is an image of my new maghony bed frame. Complete with a footboard and headboard, at the top of each is a carefully carved butterfly. I call it, not surprisingly, my butterfly bed. As I shared in my Instragam post, it was a find at a secondhand store for a price that was far below what it should have been marked, but this treasure had gone unnoticed for many months and the owner of the shop was eager to move it. Knowing the carpenter, artist is a more apt word, Steve Arment, who is a dear family acquaintance in Wallowa County, I knew a treasure when I found one and welcomed this piece of art into my home tout suite

Much of TSLL's new book Living The Simply Luxurious Life: Making Your Everydays Extraordinary and Becoming Your Best Self) is about the chosen transformation to travel your singular journey in order to attain, and live each day, your best life. A life of contentment, a life of realizing your true potential. 

And it is a book inspired by my own choosing to step into the stages of transformation. 

There are countless blog posts, and even books on the process of personal transformation, but it warrants a closer, yet concise look at the realities and the benefits of the process. 

When I heard the quote shared at the top of this post shared by the author of the wildly successful book and now docu-series Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat Samin Nosrat in the Heat episode, an image of a butterfly struggling to free itself from its cocoon was on the screen. I pressed pause. I rewound and listened again to what she said. I listened again and proceeded to write down the words shared today. Admittedly, she is talking immediately about food, but she could just as well be talking about any change we seek in our own lives. In order to cultivate change, we must create friction which causes heat, which mobilizes the ability for the change we seek to occur. 

1.Give yourself permission to become more

"There is power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice. And there's grace in being willing to know and hear others. This, for me, is how we become." —Michelle Obama, in her memoir Becoming

Whether it is society or our own limiting thoughts, obstacles of the transformation we know vaguely awaits us should we choose to step forward to change will flash before us repeatedly attempting to thwart any decision to proceed. But you must be daring. You must be brave because as former First Lady Michelle Obama shares in her new memoir and directly in this quote, when you choose to become more, you empower yourself and now have the ability to help others step into their fullest potential as well. 

2. Give yourself permission to be content. 

Sometimes, especially as women, we need to hear that our actions will help others in order to give ourselves permission to do something that will improve our lives and make us more content. But in this particular step, I want to give you permission, and thus for you to give yourself permission, to let yourself be truly content. Each of us is living different lives, each of us has different responsibilities, that is why your journey will be unique and only you will truly know what you can let go of, what you need to remain committed to and what you no longer need to be a part of, but your happiness will spilleth over if it comes from a place of authenticity of an opportunity to improve the world and its contentment. 

There will always be shamers, guilt-trippers, and fear-mongers to attempt to "put you back into your place", which is why you need to find your support system (TSLL is here for you too!), but first be your own support system and give yourself permission to be content. A better you will help cultivate a better world.

3.Remind yourself of your unique strengths and past successes

"By staying in touch with your accomplishments, you build true, authentic confidence to move on to make new things happen. Appreciating your success enables you to take responsibility for your greatness so that your life . . . [is about] finding ways to use your own gifts to make a difference." —Jinny S. Ditzler, author of Your Best Year Yet

When we are in the middle of transforming, doubt inevitably creeps in. We begin to wonder if we really do have something the world needs and whether our investment of time and resources will be worth it. In these moments, take time to slow down and remind yourself of both your unique strengths and your past successes - those actions and abilities that inspired you to begin the journey you are currently on. Perhaps you need to check in with that dear friend of yours that is your constant cheerleader if you cannot seem to remember your awesomeness because it is there and once you remember these truths about yourself, a deep breath will emerge, your chin will rise just enough for you to look forward so that you can keep on striving. 

4. Understand that constructing a solid foundation begins with instability

Your world will feel as though it is shaking at times, unstable, some of the previous strongholds - perhaps financially, perhaps socially, etc.. You will feel emotionally drained and tapped to find an ounce of energy to power through. You may have moments of floods of tears, anger due to disrespect or lack of understanding. Keep your composure in public, seek out those you trust for comfort and reassurance in private, take time to find balance and strength, and know these moments are part of the building a more solid foundation.

I was recently watching a segment on Oregon's Public Broadcasting which spotlighted the building of Portland's Japanese Gardens, Oregon Art Beat. And in the segment, the first natural design one sees when they enter the garden before hiking up to the full Japanese natural space are the dry stone walls. The architect explained that this architectural approach of stacking rocks without cement or binder ironically enables the wall to become stronger with each shake of the earth, each shift of the ground beneath it. Why? Because as the earth moves, the rocks begin to settle more and more firmly into their place. The key is to have chosen the pieces carefully when first designing the wall.

You are the architect of your life, and so long as you trust your journey, understand your unique gifts (something that is discussed in detail regarding how to do in chapters 8 & 9 of TSLL’s new book), with each shake that comes from society, from a critic, from individuals who challenge what you are doing, it will ultimately only strengthen your foundation, but at first, it will feel unstable as it is new. 

5. Remain open to opportunities you initially may not recognize

Opportunities often take time to materialize and thus for us to recognize as opportunities when they first dance across our paths. Because we are seeking or traveling down a path that is new to us as we have chosen the path of transformation away from our previous existence and toward a new one, opportunities will be, and initially look, different. 

Much like continuing to date the same type of person, we cannot expect to seize the same type of opportunity over and over again and expect a different result. It seems obvious, but it is hard in practice initially because we have become trained to see opportunities that we now know do not serve us for our new journey. Which is why we must remain open to opportunities that may be unrecognizable initially. How?

What I have learned is that opportunities often take time to fully take shape. In fact, we have to do the homework beforehand, take a risk often times and then be patient to see how it will all work out. The most important step is doing our homework. In other words, what investments have the best chance of helping us to attain the outcome we seek. Instead of seeking the option that will give us an outcome quickly, but not the best outcome, we need to be patient and simply let it unfold once we've put forth the effort. 

Eventually, the opportunity will become clear, but along the way, it will be foreign as we are a new student to this language.

This past summer, I spoke often about my trip to France. It was a trip, while not my first, that is most memorable for a long list of reasons. And it was on this trip that a butterfly came so close to my face on multiple occasions it felt surreal. As we sat down for lunch throughout my week at the Provence cooking school, the butterflies would dance down the center of the arced table overlooking the valley in Vaison la Romaine. I would catch the eye of fellow students immediately after it would happen and we would just smile in adoration and disbelief at what we had just seen, no words needed to be exchanged. Of course, I had my own reasons for smiling, much of what is explained here, but it was when I came across my new bed (that I was not shopping for - in fact I was shopping for a round pedestal dining room table that I continue to shop for), that I smiled again spontaneously. 

If you too are fascinated with butterflies, you will have your own reasons for smiling when you see them as we are each choosing to travel along our own transformative path, but I find my bed to be even more now a place of support and encouragement. And the transformation in my most private sanctuary a welcomed change as a new chapter of sorts begins. 

It is a curious feeling sharing a creative piece of yourself, in my case, a book which shares many different personal details, with the world. As many readers have coined, it is somewhat like a "book baby". You work on it for years, you read it and reread it and reread it multiple times, but it isn't until it is put out into the world that you feel particular feelings at their most visceral level - vulnerability, hope, relief, just to name a few. The relief is one of emotional expenditure, and perhaps the bed came at the perfect time with its comfort provided because I have slept longer and more deeply in the past two weeks than I have for some time. I am recharging.  

Heat is created when we choose to take action. The action may not be understood by everyone during the process of transformation, but when you trust your journey, when you understand yourself, when you emerge, you will be strong enough to explain, introduce and share your newly transformed, beautiful self to the world. 

~TSLL's New Book is Released! Let's Live Our Best Lives - the Official Release Day - View and Listen to interviews and learn much more about the book in this detailed post. 

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Trust the Transition: How to Step Through and Embrace the Change You Seek, episode #225

~How to Create the Change You Seek

~Why Not . . . Recognize the Stages of Making a Lifestyle Change?

Petit Plaisir:

~Parmesan Chicken and Forbidden Rice (aka Black Rice)

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #233

~Subscribe to The Simple SophisticateiTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify

Sponsors for today’s episode:

Direct download: 234Transformation.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

"Just by being a strong and kind, ambitious and likeable, empathetic and decisive, confident and flexible woman, you can help turn around the double standards we all face and permanently change the way women at work are perceived." —Fran Hauser, author of The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate

Authenticity is crucial for success, but for some reason, those of us who embody a propensity to be nice (both women and yes, men too) have often been made to believe that nice won't help us reach the success in our careers that could be possible. Especially with the double standards often placed upon women who do dare to step out of the nice box, society would like us to think that being nice won't work, but actually, being gruff (if that is not our natural nature) won't either. 

So what is the best approach for building a career you love? Be yourself. Be that nice individual you have always been, but let go of the fickleness, let go of the passive-aggressiveness and become more confident in what you know to be true about your strengths, set clear boundaries, all the while building positive relationships with others, and remembering the research done by FastCompany in 2015, that a positive work environment leads to greater productivity, lower turnover, and even better health outcomes for workers. A win-win.

After reading Fran Hauser's new book, I wanted to share 13 takeaways that spoke to me and caught my eye due to emails and comments I have received from readers. While I have boiled them down to their nuts and bolts, if this topic is speaking to you, be sure to take at the book as she offers a multitude of specific examples from her own career and others as well as step by step, specific pointers and tips for navigating remaining nice as well as strong. 

1.Understand the difference between Nice and being a People Pleaser

"Nice is: Positive, yet honest and straightforward; People Pleaser is: Sweeping things under the rug to avoid making waves."

2. Remember to be strong as well as nice

Hauser argues that indeed we can be both, even though the myth is perpetuated that we cannot. How? Hauser suggests speak up, and be humble, be a team player, but still look out for your best interests, and accommodate, but communicate clearly and be assertive. 

3. Understand there are enough opportunities for everyone and refrain from competing with others, especially other women.

A necessary shift from generations past is moving beyond women competing with other women as though there was only one that could make it to the top. Historically, due to gender biases and stereotypes, this was sadly accepted and perpetuated, but times have and are continuing to change. Women can be collaborative, generous and in so doing, lift everyone who is contributing great work. 

When we realize opportunities are in abundance when we shift the work culture and mentality, productivity rises, as does the peace of mind in the work place. How? By having confidence that we have something of value to offer and we can benefit from the talents of others. 

4. Claim your niceness and use it intentionally

As an authentically nice person, to go against your nature will not only gradually deplete you, but it will also feel unnatural. When we choose to use our niceness intentionally, it can appear in how we build relationships with those we work with, and as a result, clients and colleagues show more loyalty as they appreciate the sincere connection and recognition of them individually. 

5. You may have to clarify that your niceness is not to misunderstood for ignornace, lack or knowledge, in other words as a weakness

Hauser shares some helpful statements to respond to those who may doubt that being nice is indeed a preferred way to work, but once you make your stance clear, you will have to explain this truth far less often. 

6. Be humble, but don't put yourself down

Returning to the topic of being nice versus being a people pleaser, when we are humble and don't take ourselves too seriously, we come across as more relatable. This doesn't mean we should diminish our successes or strengths. In other words, never talk about yourself in a way that degrades your competence or paints a negative picture. When you begin to do this, you create potential doubt in clients, colleagues and higher ups who oversee your job. 

7. Speak with confidence

Refrain from prefaces what you are about to share by casting doubt on what hasn't even been spoken. Instead choose your words carefully. Hauser gives the example of stating we need to speak declaratively rather than interrogatively. In other words, observe how you end your sentences in which you are stating a fact. Do you still end it with a questioning tone? This projects lack of confidence. Instead, state it with confidence what you have found to work, to be true or an idea you would like to share. Give credit to those who deserve it if you came to the idea with the help of others, and if necessary, state your reasons for why you feel your idea would be helpful to more than just yourself. When you frame what you say constructively, speak with confidence and refrain from prefacing with doubtful statements such as "I believe" or "I could be wrong", you are already on your way to gaining the trust from your peers and supervisors. 

8. Apply critical thinking skills to tactful disagreement

If you disagree with someone's initial statement, instead of stating this opinion forthwith, ask questions, seek outside perspectives and dive deeper into the subject at hand before jumping to conclusions. When we do all of these things, we step away from any initial emotional reaction and give ourselves time to thoughtfully respond and perhaps gain some more understanding and respect due to our process along the way. 

9. Set emotional boundaries to weed out the bullies and build stronger relationships

"Often, we 'nice girls' carry around a tiny seed of doubt that a conflict is somehow our fault. When a bully spots that doubt, he or she will be very likely to prey on it."

When I read this section of the book, I took a big sigh. For some reason, even after many years as an adult, and even in my youth, this was a tremendous aha for me. 

This particular section is helpful for navigating situations in which a colleague bullies intentionally or unintentionally, but isn't clear about the boundaries, and how to effectively deal with either situation. From the get-go it begins with setting clear emotional boundaries. Begin by seeking out allies you trust, then remember to not be sucked into the drama created by the bully. As well, confront the behavior head on after you have taken a deep breath, but don't wait too long. Sometimes this is an opportunity to strengthen a relationship based on a misunderstanding, and in other scenarios, it clearly states to the bully, you may be nice, but you are not weak and will not tolerate such behavior. Lastly, document the facts of each incident should you need to talk to a supervisor. 

10. Negotiate Effectively, by Playing to Your Strengths

When you marry reason and emotion, studies have shown that you are more likely to be successful, as a woman, receiving the wage, the contract, the [fill in the blank item you are seeking]. 

When it comes to reason, understand your value. In other words, what skills, expertise, etc. do you bring to the table, and how valuable is your time. Also, do your homework, and have the data ready to demonstrate what you want those you are speaking to to recognize. As well understand all of the options for improving your success (not only salary, but stock options, bonuses, schedule, vacation time, other bonuses such as memberships to gyms, etc. and maybe even four day weeks during the slow time of the year). 

On the emotional side, being nice has its benefits, and this is one. Most likely you are observant of others and what makes them happy, what makes them upset, the best times during the day to talk to them, etc. I can remember a principal I used to work for, and early on in my career, the vice principal always advised to speak with him in the afternoon as he was not a morning person. This was helpful and it made me realize, that we are all human, and if we want the best outcome, it would be best to talk with the individual or individuals at the time of day they are more inclined to be awake and open-minded. 

At the core is to have confidence in ourselves, to know we are worthy of asking for fair and equal pay, and to not feel bad for asking for what we know we are worth.

11. Create filters at work

Protect your time. Once you know what your priorities are at work, where you are most needed and valued, and where you can contribute the most, delegate the rest or filter it out completely. 

12. Devise a schedule that elevates your productivity

Part of being both nice and productive is setting clear boundaries around when you will do certain tasks and communicating this effectively to others. Perhaps it is when you will check your email during the day (this is you communicating to yourself as much as it is others), or maybe it is when you will be scheduling meetings and for how long. Be clear about what is necessary to be productive and then communicate your availablity.

13. Become comfortable with saying no to respect your productivity and schedule

Hauser calls it the skill of the "kind No". And again, this is playing to the strengths of someone who is nice, but it is also exhibiting the strength that is necessary to be clear about what you can and cannot do. People will inevitably ask, and that is okay. But what needs to become okay with you is saying no. So long as you do so thoughtfully, and honestly (this doesn't mean you have to share in detail why you cannot say yes), you have been respectful and they can now seek out someone else to help them. 

Petit Plaisir

~Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat - Netflix

~Cook and food writer, Samin Nosrat (check out her website)

~Inspired by her book of the same name Salt Fat, Acid, Heat: Mastering the Elements of Good Cooking (2017)

https://youtu.be/2oKbs4jAf7M

Sponsors for today’s episode:

Direct download: 231NiceCareer.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

Faith Salie's recent commentary on Breaking News and its meandering into becoming of lesser and lesser importance for the viewers to be interrupted sparked my attention when Salie offered a simple suggestion: more depth, less drama. 

As soon as she said it, my ears and mind perked up. 

What a simple approach to living well. An approach to welcome more substance, less stress, more enjoyment, less unnecessary conflict and more tranquility and less anxiety.

Could it really be that simple? 

Let's start with the drama we unnecessarily welcome into our lives and what we might potential replace it with to improve the quality of our everydays:

1. Viewing Entertainment

Less . . . 

  • drama on the television shows, reality programming or films that further perpetuate stereotypes, harm, violence or simplification and/or misguided problem resolution.

More . . . 

  • depth offered in exploratory programming, documentaries, well-written, thought-provoking plots that include well-developed characters and unique storylines. Reality programming that exhibits teachable skills and positive relationship styles.

~This & That: October 19, 2018 - Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat

2. Conversations

Less . . . 

  • dramatic conversations such as superficial, assumptive and unfounded chitchat such as gossip, judging, and labeling simply for the sake of having any conversation. 

More . . . 

  • depth of thought that elevates the conversation, observes possibilities and suggests solutions to frustrations. 

3. Daily Routine

Less . . . 

  • drama provoked by stretching ourselves too thin when it comes to our schedule, our budget, our emotional well-being.

More . . . 

  • depth of reasoning behind the decisions we make that become the framework of our lives - our routines, our relationships, our monetary expenses and investments. 

~18 Ways to Simplify Daily & Weekly Routines

~Archived TSLL posts on Relationships

~Archived TSLL posts on Money

~Today's image is a glimpse of one of my favorite weekly routines as shared on Instagram - Sunday morning

4. Self-Awareness

Less . . . 

  • drama caused by poor engagement with others and letting our worries spill into other areas of our lives. 

More . . . 

  • depth of awareness to recognize when we need a "timeout" to recharge, rest, recalibrate and decide how we will positively address any situations in our lives that are causing us stress so that it doesn't bleed into other areas of our life unconsciously. (check out episode #227 for ideas on Self-Care)

5. Understanding Priorities

Less . . . 

  • drama provoked by unsolicited responses and commentary on every little event that occurs at work or in your life.

More . . . 

  • depth of recognition when it comes to your priorities as you identify which events/conversations requires your engagement and your finite energy. Contribute to conversations that are of importance and you feel you have something unique and positive to offer, otherwise let those who do feel invested in the conversation work through the matter at hand without you. 

~Responding vs. Reacting: The Difference, episode #145

6. Friendships & Relationships

Less . . . 

  • dramatic friends or individuals in your life that thrive off of stress, exhaustion, games or manipulation.

More . . . 

  • depth of character and integrity in the individuals you choose to spend time with. Sincerity, a healthy sense of self and kind offering of one's time and energy.

7. Mastering of One's Mind

Less . . . 

  • drama stirred up in your own mind needlessly due to the inability to master your thoughts, note them and move forward without being hampered by their attempt at distraction or self-doubt.

More . . . 

8. Boundaries

Less . . . 

More . . . 

  • depth of clarity by clearly communicating your boundaries through words and actions. We end up teaching others how we expect to be treated, what we will tolerate and what will never be acceptable not with our words alone, but also how we allow others to speak and treat us. The gift we give ourselves by being aware of how boundaries can be conveyed is that often we avoid drama all together by exemplifing ourselves as a person of self-respect. 

~A Powerful Couple: Vulnerability & Boundaries, episode #126

The beauty in choosing a life of depth over drama is that we won't even fully be aware of the drama we have avoided by living a life of depth because we no longer entertain it as an option. And that is what gives us more energy, more time and more space to spend our lives doing what we love, investing in what we care about and building relationships that we want to welcome and strengthen in our lives. 

Petit Plaisir

~Destination Wedding

~read the interview with the writer and director Victor Levin (writer for Mad About You, 5 to 7) which appeared in The Washington Post

https://youtu.be/TjXQzRWmb_I

Sponsors for today's episode:

https://youtu.be/L04WUfRlANo
 
~Image: One of my favorite weekly routines is captured - Sunday morning breakfast and reading material (via IG)

Direct download: 230DepthDrama.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

Autumn brings many revelations and rewards. From the harvest of bountiful fruits and vegetables that have been waiting for months to reach their peak of flavor to the brilliant turning of colors seen in the leaves and needles from deciduous and the rare deciduous conifer trees (American Larch or Tamarack). 

Autumn also reveals how well taken care of, how attentive we have been, to said crops and woods to enable them to reach this seasonal stage of harvest naturally and offer their full expression.

As it pertains to each of us, we too are on a journey of self-discovery if we choose to be. I was recently listening to Ina Garten in a conversation she had with Katie Couric about her career with food, and at one point, she offers the advice of looking to our youth, perhaps as young as our early childhood to be reminded of what fascinated us. For her, it was cooking and baking, something she enjoyed as a young child, but not something encouraged in her family.  This something for Ina wasn't heeded until she was 30, at which point she opened her speciality grocery Barefoot Contessa, and then at thet age of 50 wrote her first cookbook. 

As I have shared in the past, timing plays a role in our lives, and so too does the tenacity to remain curious about discovering our deepest and most sincere truths.

Truths such as why you enjoy the company you enjoy versus the company that never quite leaves you inspired or perhaps worse. Truths such as what sparks your laughter, deepens your joy and elevates your motivation to try something new. 

The editor of the Pulitzer Prize winning journalistic endeavor that broke the Watergate investigation in 1973, Ben Bradlee is well known for a simple phrase, "The truth emerges". And while yes, he is speaking more specifically about investigative reporting, I have experienced it to be true in the journey of life as well.

If we examine the significant decisions that have led us to where we are today, at the time, we may not have known with deep, insightful clarity why we were drawn to a particular college, a particular person, a certain hobby or destination on the globe, but if we take the time to thoughtfully examine in hindsight, the powerful ahas as to why may become more crystalized. 

I began to do this for myself regarding why I prefer to live on my own, and have my entire adult-life after undergrad. It has taken me nearly 20 years to understand this truth for myself. 

That's the key - for ourselves. We cannot take someone else's truth and apply it to our lives. In a way that is plagiarizing, and no one can ever truly be appreciative of a life that is not sincerely constructed. Yes, we can absolutely gain inspiration from others' lives, but then we must apply that inspiration to the individual that we are.

The truth I came to see with unwavering clarity was that as a young girl, being busy was valued, and being still not so much. Only with a few select people was enjoying my own company allowed (being able to be silent while together with another is truly one of the most comforting aspects of a partnership or friendship for me). And even fewer still accepted not only my being with my own company, but truly being who I am. Which is why I have curated a life where I can be exactly who I am when I am at home and let my creativity dance as it wishes. The truth, in this lesson, truly has been liberating. 

So how can each of us encourage the truth to come forth? Live consciously. 

Living consciously doesn't mean you have to examine every little detail of your life to death, but it does ask of you one of the fundamental premises of living simply luxuriously - make sure you aren't being led around by the nose. What draws you to the decisions you are making? Is it you intrinsically, or is it external influence? Ask yourself, what brings you peace? What brings you joy? As well, what brings you pleasure? 

There are many factors in life that we can neither control or influence, but we can learn to recognize more confidently opportunity and information that will help us live our lives more authentically. But we can only do this if we are paying attention, listening and letting go of expectations. 

The truth of who we are and who we will become is forever emerging as we are dynamic individuals full of more potential than our limited perspectives can imagine at this moment. But so long as we are striving forward, so long as we remain curious, new aha moments will cross our paths as more truth is given. So why not keep exploring, keep applying what you learn and with each piece of information you gather, your world becomes more enriching, more enjoyable and more inspired as others observe you growing and thus blossoming. 

SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Be Exactly Who You Are?

~The "How" of Tailored Simplicity

~3 Simple Steps to Designing Your Best Life

Petit Plaisir

~In Paris: 20 Women on Life in the CIty of Light by Jeanne Damas and Lauren Bastide

~similar books - How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are (the podcast episode inspired by the book - 10 Ways to Unearth Your Inner Francophile, episode #4

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #229
~Subscribe to The Simple SophisticateiTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Podbean

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Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

"Cozy living is about creating an atmosphere of warmth, contentment, and pleasure within your home and in your life. It is increasing your awareness of and focusing on embracing the simple, everyday moments to rise above problems, release stress, enjoy friends and family, and to appreciate all you experience." —Melissa Alvarez, author of The Simplicity of Cozy: Hygge, Lagom & the Energy of Everyday Pleasures

Over the weekend, I took a day to spend time doing simple activities I don't always have time to immerse myself in as the school year is in full swing. I took a day to exercise the important habit of being present, taking in the beauty of what was surrounding me and let myself feel what I felt.

For many people, the past week was a week of external events affecting our emotions in ways we may not have expected and thus were not prepared for. Add on top of that a busy week of regular to-dos, meetings, responsibilities, etc., and it may have become overwhelming.

During such weeks whenever they arise, but also when weeks are going well, tending to our self-care is essential. A few years ago on the podcast (episode #122) self-compassion was discussed as well as the seven benefits of choosing not to be our harshest critic, but rather being more gentle with ourselves as we do our best each day, which can be different depending upon the day. 

Part of having self-compassion is taking good care of ourselves, being aware of our emotional tendencies, being tough and persevering when necessary, but also respecting that with more self-care, the persevering becomes easier. In other words, simply pushing through without the self-care makes it all the more difficult and the quality of what we produce is often severely diminished. 

While I referenced this week as an example for making the effort to practice self-care, the practice itself is most effective when used preventively. In other words, by instituing regularly routines, rituals and choices into our everyday lives that elevate the quality, we are practicing self-care and thus elevating what we can endure and how well we work through any day that comes our way. 

Today I'd like to share with you 16 ways to welcome self-care into your everyday way of living. Some are as simple as what types of ingredients you use in your kitchen to cook your meals, while others pertain to your relationships, and even others your sanctuary and daily routine. Let's get started!

1.Buy Quality Butter - look for a high butter-fat count. Often these brands will be from Europe - Plugra, Kerrygold and many French butters. Spend a little more and improve the simple experience with everything you enjoy butter.

2. Make a delicious fall dessert (see today's Petit Plaisir for an idea that will melt in your mouth and is simple as apple pie.)

3. Let yourself wake up without an alarm clock.

4. Take a hot shower and just let the hot water run down your body - stand still, close your eyes and enjoy. 

5. Spend time in a bookstore or library.

6. Visit a winery or go wine tasting and enjoy sipping while gazing out upon the fall foliage.

7. Hire someone to clean your house, even if just once is all you can afford. Relish walking through the door and seeing an immaculately clean house asking nothing of you but to sit, relax and enjoy your space.

8. Purchase a luxurious candle, pick up a bouquet of fresh flowers, choose a movie you are curious to watch, either pick up your favorite take out or cook a wonderful comfort meal, and enjoy a truly luxurious solitary evening.

9. Sit outside at dawn or dusk or the middle of the day and just listen and watch the world, Mother Nature, the moment.

10. Cuddle with someone you love. 

11. Bring a small bud or bouquet of flowers into your bedroom.

12. Slip into linen sheets spritz with lavender linen spray and dive into a delicious book. 

13. Pick up a book that celebrates the seasons. I highly recommend Sharon Santoni's My French Country Home: Entertaining Through the Seasons

14. Plan a weekend away, even if just a town away where you can spoil yourself with mini adventures and dining adventures you have been eager to try. 

15. Eat a chocolate truffle at the end of the day and sip a lovely cup of tea. 

16. Soak in a hot bubble bath with your favorite tunes, candles lit and finish a good book. (I recently did exactly this and finished a delightful book on living in Paris.)

The gift of self-care is not only what it brings to us and enriches in our daily experience, but how it improves our daily interactions and relationships with others. We begin to become more aware of our own feelings and needs as we listen more closely, and as it is a muscle, we can be better to observe when others are in need of a breather, a rest or a boost as well.

When we invest in ourselves before the attention is needed, we avoid scenarios and situations we do not want to go through without realizing they may have occurred had we not been dutifully tending to ourselves on a regular basis.

Today examine when and what you'd like to do to welcome a few self-care practices into your daily and weekly routine. Enjoy planning and looking forward and when in the moment of these self-care practices, simply savor and soak in the needed nourishment. 

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Revel in Simple Pleasures? (two part series)

~The Hygge Phenomenon and Living Simply Luxuriously, episode #148

~What Does a Simply Luxurious Life Look and Feel Like?

~What are people saying about TSLL's new venture into vodcasting? The Simply Luxurious Kitchen is an 8 episode video series where readers/listeners can now view Shannon cooking in her own kitchen sharing simple tips and ideas to elevate the everyday meal. Be sure to check out the most recent episode (episode #4) and enjoy the remaining 4 episodes each Saturday here on the blog until the end of October. 

Petit Plaisir:

~Apple Tarte Tatin

~View the detailed recipe here

~listen to my interview with Sharon Santoni as she talks about her latest book My French Country Home: Entertaining Through the Seasons from which this recipe was inspired. 

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #227
~Subscribe to The Simple SophisticateiTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify

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Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #226
~Subscribe to The Simple SophisticateiTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify

Imagine you are walking upon a balance beam in a gymnastics center. Imagine your core is tight, your shoulders are back, your chin is parallel with the beam and your legs are engaged. And your eyes are focused not down, but at your desired destination - the end of the beam. 

In this moment, you are engaging your full body and mind. You are breathing deeply and steadily. You are keeping your heartbeat calm and external noise and distraction is being ignored. With each step, it is thoughtful, it is with intention and your posture reveals confidence, yet ease. 

In good time, you reach the end of the beam without any significant wobbling.

I share this image with you because the key to control is to let go of trying to control it all. More precisely, the key to control is to recognize the only detail you can control is yourself, and everything outside of your being needs to be relinquished. The weather, the words and behavior of others, the outcome of a vote, whether someone - a boss, a potential friend, a date - will choose to return our call or offer us a job - is beyond your control.

So often we expend an enormous amount of time, worry and energy on trying to control others and outside circumstances that we no longer have energy to tend to what would make the most significiant difference - our emotional being, our mental muscles, etc. 

One of the few sports that is purely within the hands of the athlete as even the weather is not a factor is gymnastics. There are others such as swimming and figure skating, but today I'd like to use gymnastics because we're talking about balance without any accoutrements. It is purely the body and the mind working together.

Knowing what is in our control is important to navigating daily events that we cannot predict. 

  • How much you express appreciation verses complaining and worrying
  • Knowing your emotions and why you feel them - check out Dr. Gloria Wilcox's Feelings Wheel to narrow in on the specific emotion. (I talk more about how to use this wheel in the audio version of this episode).
  • Come to be aware of what triggers positive and negative responses. (Again, use the Feelings Wheel to understand why.)
  • Recognizing when you want to react and knowing when it would be best to instead not respond when requires of you to take some distance, collect your thoughts and then engage if it is necessary.
  • Understand what drains you
  • Understand what refuels you
  • How you manage your time
  • How you take care of your health - food, exercise, and mind
  • What you choose to learn and seek out per your curiosity
  • Decide to show up in a way that you feel proud of
  • Invest time into developing skills that will improve the quality of your life you wish to strength - relationships, communication, a technical skill, a social skill, a new craft that engages your interest
  • Solidify a way to move healthily through tense moments - do you forgive or do you harbor anger, do you move forward or do you remain in the past and stew?

When we understand that we cannot hold on tightly, but instead need to exude clearly our boundaries, but also the peace we have with ourselves, we free ourselves from worrying about being hurt by a partner, mistreated by a boss, or ignored by a child. 

There is no guarantee that we won't be hurt, that people won't disappoint us, but what it does do is put the ownness on each of us to front-load. What I mean by front-loading is we need to step into any relationship, situation, community, etc. without assumption of how others will behave. Instead we need to step forward with a clear understanding of how we will handle ourselves, how we will invest in building relationships, how we will invest in strengthening our mind so that when our thoughts are swirling, we can recognize this and understand we were triggered and now is not the time to speak, or conversely, I am prepared, I am calm and I am ready to speak with clarity and confidence knowing that not everyone will agree, but I shared what you feel needed to be known (just as an example).

Losing our balance will occur even to those of us who invest in controlling what we can and letting go of what we cannot. In those moments, we need to not blame the circumstances so much as our ability to be ready to handle it. For example, if we have said "yes" to too many events this week, and the seventh of seven outings during the week finds us short-tempered, exhausted and/or hyper-critical of others, if we are in tune with our emotions, if we know the difference between being well-cared for (self-care), we need not blame anyone outside of ourselves. This is just life's way of reminding us that we need to be conscious of our needs, understand the importance of saying no out of not only self-preservation, but self-care so that when we are involved, we can do so well and add a positive contribution. And when we model this, we help those that look to us care for what they have control over as well and not project their frustrations and exhaustion onto others. 

When we burden others with the responsibilty of making us happy, we are being unfair to them. But on the flip-side when we take responsibilty for developing the skills we can finesse so that we can enjoy our days and thus our lives no matter what is going on around us, we strength and put at ease those in our lives and model how to weather difficult patches as well as savor the goodness that life wants to share with us each and every day.

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Learn more about TSLL's weekly newsletter here

~Tune in and view TSLL's new venture into vodcasting!!! The first two episodes of The Simply Luxurious Kitchen are available for viewing. Have a look here

Petit Plaisir:

~My Morning Routine: How Successful People Start Every Day Inspired by Benjamin Spall and Michael Xander

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Direct download: 226ControlParadox_copy_2.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

 

“Times of transition are strenuous but I love them. They are an opportunity to purge, rethink priorities, and be intentional about new habits. We can make our new normal any way we want.” —Kristin Armstrong, three-time Olympic gold medalist - road cycling

 

As September arrives I find myself torn between the schedule I love during the summer months and the rigorous schedule I know that awaits me with school's commencement. 

 

It doesn't mean I don't enjoy what the new school year brings - new students, new connections, an energy of excitement and curiosity that is a large part of why I love teaching, but when any transition knocks on our door, if we are happy with where we are, it is hard to welcome it in. No matter what amazing opportunities it may be bringing as a hostess gift. 

 

In such a scenario where there is the gift of what we have loved and the potential for something awesome to be revealed as we go through the transition that is letting us know, that just the way it is, if we shift our perspective to one of gratitude, the moving through and forward becomes easier. 

 

How fortunate are any one of us to not remain stagnant? Think for a moment about a stagnant individual. They may feel safe, they may feel certain, but such certainty is false. After all, as children the reason it is imperative that we learn how to communicate, how to care for our bodies and feed our minds is to initially survive, but then to thrive and enrich our lives. This momentum, this way of life is a good way to live our entire lives. Why? Because the world never stops shifting, progressing and offering opportunities to improve. Never.

 

It can be tempting as adults when we think we have figured it all out to slow down, and even stop and just be. This is not to say we shouldn't relax from time to time, find a healthier balance, etc., but so long as a new generation is graduating, growing up and trying to find their place in the world, there will always be new ideas, and often, so long as we remain nimble, we can benefit from them as well, and even partake in the sharing of knowledge.

 

Part of a civilized society is knowing how to move and work together with a diverse breadth of people, and along the way enabling all to find their way without taking away the basic rights of any human being who is living consciously and respectfully of others. 

 

With all of this said, transitions can be scary or exciting, exhilarating and even full of learning opportunities. It is simply a manner of how we view them. Today I'd like to share with you eight ways to step into and through any transition that you may be confronted with at the moment, and even go so far as to embrace it. 

 

Grasp the reason for the difficulty

 

Psychologist Shannon Kolakowaki points out that a significant reason for the difficulty of any transition in which are lives are changing as we once knew them is because our identity, how we may have defined ourselves or were seen by others, is changing.

 

Recognize the power you are giving the transition to affect your emotions

 

Psychology Today reminds that there isn't a predefined type of transition that is harder than another. We give a transition the power of either being difficult or easy to maneuver through. In other words, our minds play a crucial role in how we approach the changes we are going through. 

 

If we choose to see the transition as an opportunity or a goal we have worked long and hard for, such change would be reason to become excited; however, if it is a change that is thrust upon us, we can drag our feet and make it even more difficult by fighting what is inevitable. 

 

Honor the transition

 

Any life transition, whether it is relocating to a new city, moving through a divorce or going through menopause benefits being recognized for playing a role in our life journey. As Sonia Choquette shared in our conversation about her own divorce after more than 20 years, she wasn't angry at her ex, but rather appreciative for the love and time that was shared, but also observant that it was time to move forward. 

 

One of the hardest transitions in nearly everyone's life has been found to be the relocation from a home we have felt safe in or found great peace. During such times of transition, pay homage in your own unique way in order to provide closure, but also to celebrate the time you spent and the memories that will forever be with you. 

 

Become a great student of the transition that awaits

 

When you know a transition is in your future, perhaps transitioning from college to a career or from a career to retirement, become a student of the transition you will inevitably go through. By learning all that you can, you maximize the experience, enabling it be as positive as possible.

 

Reflect and remind

 

Everyone goes through some type of transition throughout their lives, and often many. If we take a moment, we probably have moved through some transitions quite effortlessly because we didn't think twice or try to fight it. But on the flip-side, there were inevitably transitions we can remember vividly - during adolescence, making career changes, making relationship changes, making lifestyle changes.

 

As you go through the transition you are in at the moment or will be in due time, reflect on those transitions that went well for you. And even regarding those that were hard, assess why they were hard and how you can change what was in your control to improve the next transition in your life.

 

Celebrate the opportunity for a rebirth of sorts

 

Whether the transition is something you want or something you'd prefer not to have to go through, shift your perspective. Something as common as getting older, shift how you perceive "getting older". As we are seeing today, those in their fifties and sixties are far from what I recall of generations past in the same decade. With more knowledge, comes better ways of living and improving the quality of one's experience. In such an instance, celebrate all the experience and knowledge you have acquired and keep using those tools to learn more, explore more and enrich your life even more as well. 

 

Surround yourself with positive energy

 

Maybe you have children who are leaving home for college which opens up your schedule, maybe you are moving into a different line of work - taking on more responsibility, maybe you are returning from a life-changing experience and want to transition into a new way of living. Whatever your transition is, step fully into it and spend time with those who will support you along your new path.

 

As there will be times of excitement where new adventures and experiences have your full attention, there will also be times when you question what you have chosen to do (or if not chosen, question if you can be as happy as you once were). In these moments, having people that will be understanding of your journey, but not wallow and wax nostalgic about the past, wishing in some small way, that the way it was would return, is imperative to navigating successfully through these hiccups that are inevitable. 

 

The good news is that they will subside, but perhaps never entirely disappear. After all, that is a good thing, in my opinion, as it means your journey has been rich, memorable and deeply and intensely lived fully. 

 

Trust that what is not being revealed is worth seeing and experiencing

 

Even when we do step eagerly toward a new way of living, we can begin to doubt that we made the right decision. When in fact, what you are feeling is probably fear rather than doubt (read this post - The Difference Between Being Scared and Having Doubts). And if you are feeling fear, it is actually good sign as it an indication that you are indeed living a life that is true to your most authentic self. Why? Because what you are feeling in that moment is a deep ache for what you wish you attain, or a way of living you wish to make your own. If you didn't want it, if you didn't believe in it, you wouldn't be fearful that it wouldn't happen. 

 

The universe will not tell us how it will all work out. Nope, that is where faith in yourself, trust in your instincts about what is best for you and what you are willing to work for comes into play. 

 

Transitions are opportunities. If we shift our perspective to accept this, the journey through them becomes far easier to navigate and even at times quite pleasurable to enjoy. 

 

 

 

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

 

 

~The Simply Luxurious Kitchen has begun its first season! View the first episode here and tune in each Saturday morning during September and October for a new episode.

 

~Sign up for TSLL's Weekly Newsletter

 

Petit Plaisir:

 

~Visit your favorite local bakery to pick up a fresh loaf of bread for the week. 

 

Whether you enjoy toast in the morning (such as avocado toast), bread for sandwiches for lunch or bread with dinner, knowing it is homemade and a varietal you love welcomes a simple extra flavor to your week.

 

-my weekly fresh bread pick-up at a favorite local bakery in Bend (I often pick up my loaf bi-weekly as I freeze half of the loaf)~

 

~my favorite loaf from the bakery - Black Butte Porter - in use with my breakfast avocado toast (recipe here)-

 

Sponsor for Today's Episode:

 

 

 

 

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #225
~Subscribe to The Simple SophisticateiTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify
Direct download: 225Transitions.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:00pm PDT

"One of the greatest challenges we all face is to find a happy balance between the opportunities that are available to us, the media-implanted urge to have them all, and our own desire to keep focused on the things that really matter." —Elaine St. James in Living The Simple Life: A Guide to Scaling Down and Enjoying More

Momentum is a powerful source of energy, and even though I am far from being a physicist, I understand the basic concept that since all objects have mass, and if an object is moving, it will have momentum, thus power/energy.  We are objects of energy when we keep our schedules and lives running. 

Whatever pace you are moving at currently, if it is a pace you have become accustomed to for some time, it is easier to keep moving along at this pace than it is to slow down, even to speed up. 

As we begin Season 5 of the The Simple Sophisticate podcast today (check out the full schedule of episodes here), many of us are stepping back into a full schedule, or at least one slightly different from the previous season. Whether it is simply a busier schedule due to clients and staff returning from their holidays, or perhaps you as well, the pace tends to pick up, and if we aren't careful or conscious, we can move along with this energy without realizing that it may not work well for the balance we know is best. 

Now, granted, the pace you are stepping back into may be something you relish and works well; in this case, savor it, but simply be conscious of the energy that rolls forward and is easy to become swept up in without our being aware. 

If, however, the pace that fall (or the new season) brings is something you wish to shift, to improve, I have some ideas about how to instill a new pace of momentum that works best for your life. 

For the third time I read Elaine St. James' Living the Simple Life (1996), and it was upon reading it this summer that a few ideas she shared jumped out at me that had not previously. Most predominantly, taking a full month to live your life differently as a way to assess what you really need and determine what is helpful and what is actually hindering the quality of your life. 

As I read this, I recognized my own experience having had the opportunity to travel in France for an entire month this summer. During this time, as I shared in a couple of blog posts (Doubt the Default: How My Trip to France Woke Me Up, episode #218 and Why Not . . . Let Your Brain Calm Down?), the clarity I gained about what was helping and was was obstructing the quality of my life was illuminated. But upon reflection, it was the duration of the trip that enabled this to be more readily recognizable. 

Partly, this was because after spending four weeks in another culture, you are more acclimated than you realize, and so upon returning, there is an element of shock to your system (at least there was for me due to my fondness for the French culture). However, I am confident that we do not need to 'get away' to another country to have the same experience. 

As a teacher, each summer I feel I am given this opportunity to reassess what is working and what isn't, but it is my choice to reflect and then put into place the changes I realize would be beneficial. So here's the challenge and the opportunity - for one entire month, make one, some or all of the following changes to your lifestyle as inspired by Elaine St. James and my own experience and observations to free up more time in your life to do what you love or do nothing at all, simple to relax, sleep more, dream more, savor time with loved ones more, simply live as you please. With the month's conclusion, take an hour or a morning or an afternoon and reassess to see what differences (positive or negative) you experienced. 

  • Arrive at work either earlier or later than you do now, and then either stay earlier or later than you do now. In other words, shift when you are at work to try to find more productive hours, but do not stay longer than you currently do in total. 
  • Get up an hour earlier. While this may require of you to go to bed earlier, observe how the day begins when you give yourself breathing room to savor having more control in how you set the tone for the day. Remember it's just for one month.
  • Stop watching the news. While this doesn't mean you don't have to stay informed as you can read or listen to the news, observe how no longer being the passenger when it comes to news viewing affects your attitude, assumptions and stress levels. But you may want to take it step further and . . . 
  • Stop reading or listening to the news (just for one month!) to see what differences may arise due to the absence of perpetual information.
  • Change your exercise regimen. If you work out regularly in the afternoon, try working out in the mornings and observe how you go about your day and what it feels like to have the evenings free. If you attend classes in the morning, try taking them in the evening instead. 
  • Turn off the television. (posts to read - Why Not . . . Watch Less Television? and Why Not . . . Master the Television?)
  • Take a couple of personal or sick days.
  • Talk to your boss to restructure your work days (just for one month) to four 10 hour work days instead of five 8 hour work days if this is an option. 
  • Spend an entire weekend without making/attending any social or family commitments and give yourself permission to just do what speaks to you. If you can do this for more than one weekend during this month of assessment, you might begin to see helpful trends of what refuels and replenishes you. 
  • Eliminate all shopping except necessities such as groceries and vital personal items. 
  • Don't feel obligated to clean each week. Instead pick up each day as you go and clean every other week. Observe at the end of the month if this is possible. 
  • Take a bath when the mood strikes - morning, middle of the day, etc.
  • If possible, give yourself a long window of no appointments right after lunch as your energy begins to recharge from the fuel of food and the midday break. (This book, which was a Petit Plaisir in episode #194, explains the timing of our days and when we are most productive.)
  • Simplify meals - use the capsule menu approach. Make sure your épicerie is stocked and challenge yourself to shop and cook seasonally.
  • Stop using social media on designated days (the weekend) or every evening after [select a time]. Be stricter than you might think you will do after the month; by doing so, you will be able to see if you actually notice a positive difference in your mood, time saved, etc.
  • Stay off the phone (texting or talking) except for emergencies for the entire month for making plans to meet in person. Sounds extreme, but often we welcome more internal stress with the conversations we have that are not face to face. Yes, a work-around is to use social media, but if this at all sounds tempting (to go text and talk-free), take the challenge and observe any differences in your stress levels. Potentially the quality of conversations may improve as you spend more time face-to-face.  
  • Spend a weekend or a day (or even just an afternoon) somewhere that will feel like an escape from the old habits that you are trying to tweak. Upon traveling to this destination, turn the phone off and be fully present, engage, revel and celebrate. Observe what feels good about where you are and the pace of the day(s). 

Initially this list may seem impossible, but remember, it is only for one month, AND choose what piques your interest. Again, remind yourself as you begin the month with anything that may be difficult, It is only for one month. 

For one month I didn't watch the news, and by doing this, it made it far simpler to return to the states and not turn it on at home. As I mentioned last week, how I have adjusted is to watch the NBR (Nightly Business Report) and read a daily brief each morning. Anything else is quite jarring to me, far more than I recognized prior to my trip. The key for the changes you seek to become more comfortable is to give yourself this one month of practice or living or doing without. This is where momentum comes into play. It is very hard to shift gears as behaviors become habituated, even behaviors that are not helpful. And so when we initially begin to change the habit or behavior, we think the difficulty is due to it not being what is best. However, in truth, it is simple science - anything new, any shift of energy is slow and awkward until it gets going at a good and steady pace. Give yourself the full month to make the shift and redirect your momentum.

When we discover that the blue sky was deeply blue today, far more than it was last week, we realize the pace we had been living previously was not allowing us the ability to be present, to observe and to appreciate. Such appreciation is part of improving the quality of our lives. And when we return after the month we challenged ourselves to above and begin to watch some television for example, we do so more discerningly, more thoughtfully, as we now recognize that indeed what we watch indirectly affects our emotions. 

May in one month's time, you have more free time and therefore a life of increased quality. 

~SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Learn more and sign up for TSLL's Weekly Newsletter

~TSLL Fall Shopping Guide 2018 was just released this past weekend. 

~Saturday September 8th - The Simply Luxurious Kitchen vodcast debuts its first season!

Petit Plaisir:

~The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society film on Netflix

  • Based on the international bestselling novel by Mary Ann Shaffer and completed by her niece Annie Barrows when Mary Ann passed away in 2008. (2009)
  • Click here to learn more about Mary Ann Shaffer's inspiration for the novel. 
  • Lily James from Downton Abbey (Lady Rose Aldridge) stars as the protagonist, writer Juliet Ashton

https://youtu.be/vP9eDmX0ow0

Sponsors of Today's Episode:

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #224
~Subscribe to The Simple SophisticateiTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Podbean
Direct download: 224OneMonthSimplicity_copy.mp3
Category:lifestyle -- posted at: 9:31pm PDT